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GAY PEOPLE'S CHRONICLE October, 1989

EDITORIAL

How visible are you?

11.

National Coming Out Day is October there are safe spaces. There are now

One of the most-asked questions at the Chronicle is why we advocate coming out so much. "Shouldn't people be allowed to stay in the closet if they want?" Of course, lesbians and gay men should be able to stay in the closet if they choose. The key word here is choose. Lesbians and gay men should have a choice. They should be able to be as vocal or as quiet about who they are as they choose.

However, a choice is not always involved. Through the years-and even now being visible as a lesbian or gay man was inviting physical and emotional violence. So very few people were out or visible and most of us lived lives of secrets and pain.

Today it is easier to choose to be visible. The risks remain, but thanks to some hard work by those individuals willing to come out in earlier generations,

openly gay and lesbian politicians, sports figures, teachers, clergy and parents who have taken the risk to create those safe spaces.

There is plenty of support for people to stay in their closets, but not much support for those willing to visible. Being visible means risking physical and emotional violence, but it also means risking living a full life and not having society's ills as an excuse to not accept yourself.

The Chronicle encourages people to come out or be more visible for two reasons. High visibility helps those newly discovering their sexual identity. If you read some of the stories in the center section of this edition, you see that it was common in years past for people to come out without ever knowing a lesbian or gay man. This lead to many misconceptions of being bad, or being the "only one." The more visible lesbians and gay men there are, the less isolated newly out people will feel. And the more of us who show others that we are like any one else,

GUEST EDITORIAL

Getting into leathersex

by Joseph W. Bean

Wanna be a leatherman, do you? Bottom? At least to start, right? Think it over carefully. If what you find you really want is a leathersex fantasy-hulking muscularity, extreme brutality, intense scenes that leave no mark except in memory – you might be better off leaving your leathersex in the realm of fantasy. Nothing wrong with that. Close your eyes, breathe in the sweaty smell of your sex partner, pull against the imaginary restraints. Go ahead, enjoy the amplified pleasure that comes from yoking real sexual activity to the hyper-pleasure of fantasy.

On the other hand, if the fantasies leave you aching inside, and you want something that leaves you tingling inside and out, maybe leathersex-genuine SM, bondage, or some kind of leather/levi rough sex is what you're attuned to. I won't say it doesn't hurt to try it, but maybe that's just what you want.

How to go about trying leathersex is another question altogether. Unfortunately, the first answer has to be something negative: Don't try to bluff your way into an SM or leather scene! Don't pretend anything. Tell the man or men you are with that you are a novice. Tell him (them) what you think you want, and what you are sure you don't want to try. And do this before it gets to a point that might be embarrassing for you or disappointing for anyone.

LETTERS

Please support us

To the Editor:

I am writing this letter in the hopes of gaining some moral support from my fellow gays. My story might very well touch the lives and hearts of others who have had this experience.

I have been in a gay relationship for over nine years. I was married when my lover and I met, and had a daughter five years old. My husband knew of my relationship, and for painful revenge sued me for custody. As a devastating result, I lost.

I was "awarded" liberal visitation, which my ex-husband created problems over. I would go to pick her up, they'd be

How to find partners who are willing to take a turn with a novice is another matter, and it is not as simple as hanging around at a leather bar. First, you should realize that leathermen are just like all other gay men in some ways many ways. One thing they have in common with their vanilla brothers is that some of them enjoy "breaking cherries" and some of them are turned off by it. You obviously want the former sort.

Another way that the men you find in a leather bar are like the rest of the gay community is that many of them are less than completely honest. They are not necessarily what they appear to be or seem what they claim to be. In fact, the naked truth is that most of the people dressed in leather, wearing all sorts of leather signalling devices, dropping their voices into bass registers, and claiming to know nothing of the opera, ballet, or quiche ... most of them are fringe dwellers of a sort that leaves them novices for as long as they hang around leather. They don't find out what leathersex really is, even if they do get into a leathersex scene now and then.

The results of these occasional encounters are exhilarating or frightening for the fringe dwellers, and flat-out disappointing for the leathermen they are with, if any. I say "if any" because the most likely partner for a hanger-on

is another uninitiated hanger-on. You don't want to get into this cycle of unproductive, unsatisfactory, and really

gone. I'd call, she was "never home." Every time I went to court over this, he got his hands slapped and I got a bill for $500.

Now my daughter is over 14, and wants very much to live with us. My ex once again is fighting me with everything possible. We have a court hearing for October 13, 1989. I have already spent $2500 on an attorney, will have to pay for psychological exams; I got her her own attorney (which I pay for), and continue to suffer the pain and torment of our separation.

At 12 years of age, a child can make a decision of where he/she wants to live. But the custodial parent can oppose it, trying to prove that "it is not in the best interest for the child to be awarded that ability."

the easier it will be for them.

Visibility also is important outside of our own community. Like the NAMES Project, which puts names and faces with a deadly disease most people want to deny, your visibility at the office, in the media or in your family puts a name and face to a lifestyle. This visibility helps combat stereotypes and prejudices often used as excuses to do us harm.

On October 11, do something to help celebrate our new national holiday. Throw a party, come out to someone, come out to yourself, volunteer at a community organization, become a visible productive member of your community. And enjoy yourself.

When you wake up October 11, look in the mirror and thank the Goddess or the Powers that Be that your are a lesbian or gay man. Think of the alternative, and know you are blessed! ▼

dangerous sexual escapades. Believe me, you don't.

In the beginning, go to the leather bars, especially when there are contests, beer busts and such, to enjoy the atmosphere, the close-enough-to-smell view of leather. Go and have a good time, but be very circumspect about going home with a person you meet at a leather bar and don't otherwise know. Later, when you have trained your tastes, your trust-sensitivity, and your instincts, this will change.

If nothing else, go to the bars for these two very good reasons: First, go to get used to going and accustomed to the people you find there. If you haven't been going to leather bars, you may find them a little intimidating, but not for long. Second, go because you'll get faces, flesh, and images of all kinds to beef up your fantasies. If a picture (like the ones you find in Drummer) is worth a thousand words, the Eagle's patio, jammed with men in leather on a Sunday afternoon, is worth a million.

Maybe it's even appropriate to go to leather bars, to wear enough leather to feel comfortable in a leather bar, even if you have decided that the fantasies really are what you want. Every experienced

leatherman in the bar runs the risk of running into you then, wanting you, and discovering that you aren't interested. So, the last "warning" has to be that, if only to spare the men who approach you the sense of rejection you might other-

Being a homosexual couple, we have to go to great lengths to prove our relationship is stable. We have to have every legal document possible. It is so unfair that we must prove ourselves over

gay people's

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Vol. 5, Issue 4.

Founded by Charles Callender 1928-1986 Published by KWIR Publications Co-Owners:

Robert Downing

Martha J. Pontoni

Editor-in-Chief:

Martha J. Pontoni Associate Editors:

Carlie Steen, Brian DeWitt. Sports Editor:

K.D. Mahnal Reporters & Writers:

Martha J. Pontoni, K.D. Mahnal, Dora Forbes, Don S., Michele Smeller, Faith Klasek, Joan Valentine, Robert Laycock, Douglas Braun, Susan Tabell, Steven Hurt. Columnists:

John Robinson, Auntie Ray, Ed Santa Vicca, Patty M., Fern Levy, Joe Interrante. Production Staff:

Ray Kempski, Michele Somerson, Denise King.

Art Director:

Christine Hahn

Artists:

Pat Hughes, Tom Zav, Dawn Fritz. Assistants to the Editor:

Dan Postotnik, Dave Volk, Jan LaRosa.

Distribution Chief: Robert Downing Database Consultant: Lori Molesky

The Gay People's Chronicle is dedicated to providing a space in Cleveland's lesbian-gay community for all women and men to communicate and be involved with each other. This means that every Chronicle, to the best of our ability, will be equally dedicated to both men's and women's issues,as well as issues that affect all of us. Striving for this balance will not only provide the community with a forum to air grievances and express joys, but will also help all of us achieve this balance in our lives.

Publication of the name, picture or other representation of an individual, organization or place of business in the Gay People's Chronicle is not indicative of his or her sexual orientation or character.

Any material submitted for publication will be subject to editing. The Gay People's Chronicle cannot guarantee the return of any such materials unless accompanied by a stamped, self-addressed envelope.

Advertisers may obtain rate sheets and other information by writing the Chronicle, Box 5426, Cleveland, OH 44101. Our phone number is 216-321-1129.

The Gay People's Chronicle is distributed free of charge in any establishment that permits its distribution.

wise cause them be honest about why you are there when you talk to anyone. Tell them you're not into leathersex, but you enjoy being around them. You'll end up with friends and good companions instead of a reputation for being a cocktease. And you'll be leaving all options open for the future too. Enjoy leather and leathersex your way, whatever it is.

Please write to (mark "Personal"): Linda and Cathy P.O. Box 26894 Columbus, Oh 43226

and over again. I know from experience Regressive

the threat of losing your children due to the cruelty of society. I know that many gay men and women live a lie because of that nightmare. And it is real!

So this letter is crying out for letters of support. Just to hear from someone reminding us that we are indeed "good" people, and "good" parents. You can think of it as a "pat on the back" by mail.

Anyone who would like to write a few words of encouragement would be a tremendously thoughtful person. Maybe someone has had this same experience and could offer some advice.

To the Editor:

It has been sad and difficult to see the womyn's community collapse into itself with the closing of most of the WBP and the dissolution of many womyn's groups. However, it is frightening to watch the emergence of a new organization, Chameleon, L.G.P. (Let's Get Progressive).

This group has entered into the community stating its commitment to providing womyn's space in Cleveland. Continued on Page 3